So in my opinion it starts with my dad. When I was younger he drank a lot. He definitely had his own demons he had to face and as I got older I began to realize that my demons we're much the same.
My parents ended in a sticky divorce while I was in middle school and my dad was not very present throughout high school. I had a lot of trouble back then. Trouble finding my place and being who I wanted to be and who I know I am. I decided to deal with it by being angry. The anger and anxiety led me into a deep sadness and I soon found that drinking melted all these feelings away. And so, I continued that path to quell the sadness. When alcohol started to get boring I found better things, ever going deeper. I saw and did things that I look back on and cannot believe I did.
High school ended and I had lost most of the friends I cared about. I hung out with people I didn't respect or truly like for that matter, but I didn't care. They had what I wanted. Years went by and the loneliness stayed. I knew something had to change. I knew somewhere deep down that I was better than this.
My mom never gave up on me. She would not accept my behavior and we fought a lot but she was also really warm and understanding. She was always there with the raw truth, a hug and tacos. If it wasn't for her I would not be as tough as I am or as honest with myself, two traits that are crucial when deciding to quit anything that has taken you over.
My dad had finally quit drinking when I had graduated and things started getting better between us. He was also crucial in my strength to quit. He had showed me there was a way. He was never pushy and he would tell me what he went through with all the gritty details. He was always so honest and it made it easy to be honest back. I always had immense love for my dad and it was huge to see him being a stronger person.
A few days after my 20th birthday I decided it was time. Cringing, I told my mom everything I was doing and I asked her for help. It sucked. A few days later I was driven to a rehab in Pacific Grove. It was a nice drive and I remember being excited. The 30 days that followed were difficult but I was so incredibly lucky to be there. The people in the house were super supportive of everyone and we really became a little family. I remember looking around the dinner table on one of my last days and everyone was smiling and laughing and it felt like a slow motion movie sequence. Just a bunch of misfits trying to find their way.
Leaving rehab was tough. I felt safe there. I had friends there, but coming back to reality was a bit of a shock. I didn't have any friends left and I and no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Temptation was never far behind and depression came in waves.
My dad always told me how tough it would be, but he also said that as I got more comfortable in my own mind and skin, that buds would start to form and from them flowers would grow.
It's been five years now and it is still hard sometimes, but my life has gotten so much better. It's a continuous fight that will last my lifetime but I wouldn't change who I am for anything.